The Inner Workings and Outer Exploits of One Ms. A__

Hello Long Weekend!

2010-05-21T17:00:00.000-03:00

I will be camping in Algonquin National Park for the next three days. Peace out, bitches!

Sorting Out

2010-05-14T14:07:00.002-03:00

....But what do I REALLY want to do?

Ewwww......

2010-05-01T17:36:00.001-03:00

I went to a bar last night with my roommates and K. It had quite possibly the most disgusting bathroom set up I've ever seen! There was a note on the toilet paper dispenser to PLEASE not flush any toilet paper. What alternative did they have? A bucket NEXT to the toilets for used paper! and of course it was overflowing. Disgusting....

That being said, we stayed for some time.

Oh alcohol....what I won't do when you take over!

Also, I've figured out that my ideal man would be Groucho Marx circa 1934.

Goddamn time space continum. You've ruined my happy ending!

I am Unsure How to Proceed

2010-04-16T23:59:00.000-03:00

....What scares me is that I may be incapible of attracting and maintaining a healthy romantic relationship with someone because I can't seem to trust men romantically. :(

Disppointment

2010-04-05T23:03:00.000-03:00

Turns out one of my favorite co-workers was fired this passed week because it was discovered she was stealing from the tills. I'm kind of suprised by the news because she would have been the honest to god LAST person in the store I would have thought capible of doing that. She was a great worker, a supportive and fun co-worker, and she was hugely popular amongst the regular customers.

Sucks.....

I Need a New Scene

2010-04-04T23:03:00.000-03:00

Don't get me wrong; I love living in the city, and for the most part I like my job, and I love Love LOVE my friends. However, lately the whole work, sleep, hang out with old friends, lather, rinse, repeat thing is getting me down. I have GOT to get SOMETHING that is not work to work on. I'm also interested in meeting more people. It's funny because you'd think working in a coffee establishment in a businessy district in downtown Toronto you'd be meeting tons of people....well, you DO, I guess, but you don't meet them as PEOPLE so much as just customers; And as friendly as all our regulars are I'm willing to bet most of them only think of us as the nice people who make their lattes as opposed to potential friends. I get that. That's fine. It just means that I need some kind of outlet that isn't Barstucks to meet people. Yes, I would like to associate with non-Barstucks people sometimes.....

I've also been thinking about dating recently....

I'm also thinking a lot about exercising. There are so many classes and gyms and programs to participate in...I could probably put an end to most of my personal grips with some group activites.

Anyway, that is all.

Rude, eh?

2010-03-22T23:14:00.000-03:00

They said that I was extemely rude to them.

Honey, you haven't seen me rude. Had I been rude, you would have left in tears!

I recieved my first ever customer complaint while working a pre-close on Saturday. It was early in the shift and I was on cash. Two young (they looked like university students) men, and a young woman walked into my store and stopped just short of the registar in front of the pastry case. At the same time an older couple walked in, came up to the cash and immediately started ordering. I looked at the three young people and it seemed to me by the way they were chatting, and persusing the pastry case that they were still deciding what to order. Happens all the time. So, I decided to take the older couple's order to give the threesome some time to figure out what they wanted. After serving the couple, I looked over the group (STILL at the pastry case) and said 'hello' in my typical barstucks fashion.

"So, you're finally going to take our order now?" replied one of the young men, in what I PERCEIVED to be a joking fashion. He didn't seem to be upset or agitated in any way. I thought he was smirking.

"Well, I could NOT serve you" I responded with a smile, and in a similar joking fashion. We're encouraged to kid with customers, and be engaging. I thought it would have been obvious to anyone that I was not seriously telling this guy that I wasn't going to serve them, and there was CERTAINLY no offense meant.

The guy asked me "What's your name?" I'm used to this question, so I told him my name. "What's your last name?" the other man asked. I told him my last name. Then they walked out, which I found odd but they STILL had given me no verbal, or physical cues that would suggest to me they were offended by what I said. My friend and Shift Supervisor, Margera, was on the bar next to me and asked me what THAT was all about, (meaning why did they customers ask me my name and leave without ordering). I asked Margera if she knew who they were. I thought perhaps they might have been regulars who just didn't know who I was. Margera said she didn't know who they were.

Then I got weirded out.

Then they came back in the store.

They came up and asked in a calm fashion which STILL did not betray any feelings of aggitation, if I there was a store manager they could speak with. Margera told them they could speak to her, and they went off to the side.

I could hear bits and pieces of what they were saying:

"....We were in here a few minutes ago, and she saw us waiting in line but she served a couple that came in after us first..."

"....she was incrediably rude...."

".....we spend a lot of money on this company...."

"....Just wanted you to know that we thought it was extremely rude service and we plan on making a formal complaint to the company about this store..."

I was so angry I could spit.

First of all, I've never been intentionally rude to a customer in my life (even if they deserved it), and secondly I was angered by the dickish manner in which they were complaining. As I said earlier, they gave me no sign while talking to me that they were offended aside from that "So you're finally going to serve us now?" remark (which as I explained, seemed more joking then bitchy/sarcastic at the time, although thinking about it now...fucking asshole!). Even when they walked out it wasn't in an angry fashion. It just struck me as weird. They seemed fucking pleasant for goddsakes! and now they were saying all these things about how rude I was, how they were going to file complaints with the company and with me standing only a few feet away unable to SAY anything in my defense...They must have known I could hear them. And they just sounded so smug, and self righteous, and had they only said to me that they were offended I would have apologized up and down.

"I'm sorry I served someone else before you, I thought you were still making up your mind! My mistake. And my reaction was meant as a joke but I sincerely apologize if any offense was taken. How about you have you're drinks on me tonight?" I would have said. And I would have meant it too!

But instead they decided to be dicks about it.

Fuck. I hate people sometimes.

I was not rude.

Rude would be this:

"It may be a foriegn concept to you, but usually when someone wants to order something they come to the cashier and fucking ORDER it. Standing away from me, staring at the pastry case and chatting away with eachother suggests to me that you are NOT ready to order, and forgive me for wanting to give you some space to decide what you want! I WAS trying to be polite you fucking assholes! But ok...maybe I should have asked you if you were ready before I served people who knew how this whole ordering process works. Maybe I was too quick to assume you were undecided. However, if you're irritated it helps to tell me that. And NO sarcasm is NOT "telling me that" it's unneccessary and makes me fucking angry. See, this whole thing was just a big misunderstanding but you're obviously raging fucktards and likely enjoy taking personal offense to everything that happens to you because as far as you're concerned everything probably IS all about you. Eat a dick. Thanks for choosing Barstucks, Fuck you very much!"

You know, I bet they didn't even know how close they were to free coffee....

I was glad to be working with Margera that night because she completely had my back, and was supportive of me that entire shift. I talked to my boss about it today and she told me not to worry about it. Some people are idiots was all she said.

Holy Frig...Ash Updated!

2010-03-16T21:56:00.000-03:00

Tis patio season! Love it!

Tis also frappucinno season...not so much love.

Work has been zapping every bit of energy from me for the past little while. There have been some massive changes over the past month and with older people leaving and newer coming in, well - it's been an adjustment. I'm still getting used to there being times when I am the most senior person (aside from the shift supervisor) on the floor. I've been working at Barstucks for 6 months. I DID however get some good news today that made me feel like things may start looking up again. A good friend of mine will be taking over the Assistant Manager position and knowing how good she is with people and at her job makes me feel that the store will be moving in a much more positive direction. I hope this isn't wishful thinking. It sucks when you spend the majority of your time at a place you don't enjoy.

Speaking of which, I'm about ready to start looking for something besides work to 'work' on. What, I don't know. I haven't abandoned thoughts of participating in theater projects, but I'm still somewhat in the dark as to how to even approach that here in Toronto. I'm also looking into the possibility of finishing my degree via distance and Barstucks may even be able to help me financially with some tuition waiver thingamajig they bestow on their partners (employees). I guess we'll see. It's frustrating to think that I'll be 28 this month and I STILL don't know what I want to do with my life. It seems I'm on an eternal journey to find where it is I truly belong.

2010-02-28T23:24:00.001-04:00

I don't write much anymore, eh?

Class of 2000

2010-01-31T20:44:00.001-04:00

Have you ever been told about something and been really excited about it, only after thinking about it some more it became less and less exciting? Well, according to Facebook my 10 year high school reunion will be taking place this summer. Initially the idea of seeing my graduating class and old teachers again delighted me, but after letting the idea digest with me a bit more....I don't know if I would really WANT to go.

It's like this: I don't know these people anymore, and to be honest I don't feel like I ever really KNEW any of them. I was a quiet girl in school, and while I had school friends, they were just that. "School. Friends". I barely ever saw them outside of the school environment preferring more to be alone. It wasn't that I didn't like them - I liked most of them a lot! I was just a loner outside of school. Not to mention the fact that Facebook has really sated any curiosities I've ever had in regards to my former classmates. I am not completely ignorant of their comings and goings. I know who has gotten married, and who has kids, and what they do, and who moved away. I comment on their pictures, or walls on occasion, wish them happy birthdays, etc...And I also know that I don't really have anything of much substance to say beyond those things to the grand majority of the graduating class of 2000. It just feels like the reunion could be less the fun little catch-up-fest, and more a slightly awkward get together.

I have until August to decide whether or not I want to go, but I really don't think I want to.

I'm Working on a Real Post, but Until Then...

2010-01-25T15:06:00.000-04:00

2010-01-16T17:04:00.000-04:00

Things are still well.

I'm feeling much more at home now and less like a long staying visitor. I've decided though, that as much as I love my roomies my ultimate goal within the next year is going to be getting a place of my own. I just want to have that experience of having my own place, and the responsibilities that come with it. Hopefully, I can start early summer.

Mary Louise Parker came into my store last Thursday evening and I made her a grande soy cappaccino. That was exciting as it was my first celebrity run in (well, I did meet Cathy Moriarty when I was an extra in New Waterford Girl) . I feel now like I should probably make more of an effort to look nice at work now, as I don't know who is going to come through the door. That feeling likely won't last though. I mean, my clothing is regularly attacked by sticky syrups, coffee, and steamed milks, and any eye make up I wear is usually running down my face by shifts end. One can't really be fashionable as an eployee of Barstucks. Best to just look clean and together.

I don't feel like I can write anymore. I'm having a hard time with it.

2009-12-31T15:16:00.000-04:00

Dear 2009,
It's been grand.

Regards,
Ms. A.

Dear 2010,
I will not ask you to be kind. I will simply take all that you will have to give me.
Regards,
Ms. A

Finally, an Update.

2009-12-31T01:25:00.002-04:00

I've been meaning to update the blog for a while now. For the past two weeks I kept starting and then stopping potential updates. I would begin typing and then something would happen and I would abandon the entire thing. Let's just say I have numerous 'drafts' in my Edit Posts section pertaining to my Christmasy adventures in Torontolandia. Now, however, I am home - by myself in my cozy bedroom - and feeling reflective.

I guess I'll start writing about my Wellesley experience. About two weeks ago I accompanied Loken (one of my best friends in this city) to his hometown in order to attend his best friend's Stag and Doe party. Loken's father picked us up at the University of Waterloo, and drove us to his place where he prepared a big meal for the three of us consisting of thick steaks, pasta, snow peas and garlic bread. I really liked Loken's dad. He was fun! Always cracking jokes and telling stories, and made me feel instantly at ease. From there we went to Loken's friend's parents place where the Stag and Doe was to be held. Loken, being as he was part of the wedding party, had to show up early and assist in the set up of the Stag and Doe, and as such, I went along to help as well. I was given an interesting first impression of his friend's parents when I walked into the house and I heard gosple music playing in the basement. This of course, was coupled with the announcement that there wasn't going to be any alcohol served apart from some very small glasses of wine that could be purchased (the party was a partial fundraiser for the wedding) at a designated table along with a variety of Mocktails. Then I discovered that Loken's friend's father used to be a Minister.....

I wasn't quite sure how to deal with all of this. I didn't necessarily have a problem with the situation, but I wasn't sure how to act at that point. I certainly didn't feel I was in the kind of place that would allow any F bombs to be dropped. I was expecting a weekend of drinking and fun, and was worried that my get away was going to be somewhat less interesting then I hoped for. BUT, I did end up having a really good time, and towards the end of the night, the alcohol gods answered my prayers and the mocktail punch bowls were spiked with rum and white wine which several of us consumed with relish!

The next day Loken and I went to his mother's place for an amazing dinner consisting of salmon steaks, sweet potatoes, thai coconut rice, brocolli salad and chocolate lava cake for dessert. I drank red wine, met his brothers and grandparents and we all played games, and drank cocktails. The entire weekend was awesome. Not as crazy as I was anticipating, but still lovely.

Moving on....

Christmas!

I was thoroughly expecting the entire day to suck, but as fate would have it I had one of the best Christmas's I've ever had. Christmas Eve was spent with the roommates watching downloaded television and on Christmas Day I went to MervD's apartment where we, along with our Jewish friend, our Muslim friend and our Japanese friend played Silent Hill and then proceeded to the movie theater to watch Sherlock Holmes.

Tomorrow night, I say goodbye to 2009. It's been an interesting year, but then again, aren't they all? I look forward to what 2010 has in store. I'm hoping it's a good year.

Oh! And my little sister is getting married.

God...they do everything before me!

I'm very happy for her though :)

Where No One Knows Your Name

2009-12-16T22:28:00.001-04:00

I got home today and almost immediately started feeling some sinus pressure, and a dry feeling at the back of my throat. Sweet Jesus...I'm going away this weekend, so of course a cold is coming on. Horrible timing! I will have to attack this bug with vigor! As soon as my paycheck comes in it's off to the pharmacy with me for some Tylenol Cold. If I can't cure the common cold, I WILL drug myself until I can at least function with it.

I cannot afford to miss work with Christmas coming up so calling off anytime within the next two weeks is out of the question. I have also been looking forward to this little trip out of TO to Wellesley for about two weeks now and don't want some flu keeping me in bed. Today I got tickets for the Go Bus for myself and Loken. Loken texted me at work asking if I wouldn't mind running down to Union Station and pick them up since I was off work at 3:30pm and he was working till close. I texted back that I was broke, and wouldn't be able to get my ticket till Friday evening. His response was to give me enough cash for both tickets to assure us a seat on the earliest bus, and then I could pay him back Friday.

....My Lord, these details are boring...

Anyway, I always find Union Station a bit trying. It's huge, and there are always people coming and going and you really have to watch your step so you don't plow into someone else. I was also feeling quite unsure as to what I was doing. Sure I knew I had to purchase tickets, but I wasn't sure how I was supposed to do that. I was grateful for the helpful ticket agent at the Go Bus terminal who helped me make sense of their schedule, but it's times like that when I can't help but feel so...you know, Small Town. I don't think their is anything wrong with being Small Town, but there are times I don't want to feel like I am. I just kind of wish I knew how to do everything. Oh well...

Regardless, the job was completed and I am now going to Wellesley on Saturday morning. I don't know what they do in Wellesley, but I know what I'm going to do! Drink! Yup, the whole purpose of going is to party (what? you thought there was something actually IN Wellesley that I wanted to see?) at Loken's best friend's Stag and Doe. As I said, I'm looking forward to it, but I am a bit anxious as well because I really won't know anyone there aside from Loken. I'm not even sure how to explain to people why I am there aside from saying my friend invited me, and that I've been dying to actually DO something for the longest time and this was the opportunity that presented itself. Hopefully I can be charming and not awkward in front of everyone. Loken tells me they will like me, so I am optimistic.

But - of course, NONE of this will happen if I find myself on the recieving end of an epic influenza strain, so it's off to bed with me and hopefully in the morning I'll feel somewhat better.

And yes, I admit this is not one of my best posts but I'm lazy right now.

Yo

2009-12-12T01:48:00.001-04:00

I like my job.

I like making latte's and cappuccinos, and learning about coffee. I enjoy the people I work with. I even like the customers (mostly - there are always a few that...urg! *shakes fist*). This past week has felt exhausting though. For whatever reason I've been really tired, and out of it. D even made mention to that fact a few days ago when I woke up late in the afternoon after going to bed around 10ish the previous evening. I think this is mostly to do with the fact that my schedule is ever changing. One week I will be working all early mornings, and the next I will be working all closes - Or I'll have two days and two nights...it's never consistent, and I think it's catching up with me. Another thing that has been on my mind lately in regards to work is that I feel like I'm there all the time, and yet I'm only just getting by financially. I think it might be time to find something on the side that will supplement my income. That, or find something else entirely. As much as I like where I am, the fact of the matter is I need to make enough money to live in this expensive city. That being said, I don't plan to search for anything until after the holidays.

I am looking forward to next weekend. Loken is attending a Stag and Doe for his best friend back in his hometown and he invited me to go along. I'm pretty excited to be getting out of town to see some new people, and a bit more of Ontario. Loken has told me a lot about his family and his friends so I'm really interested in meeting them as well. All in all it should be a good weekend with a good friend and some good people.

I'm too tired to write anymore.

Short Weekend Update.

2009-12-07T00:45:00.001-04:00

It was a quiet weekend, but one that I thoroughly enjoyed.

I spent Friday evening at Loken's where we smoked a joint, and he tried to show me how to play a dungeons and dragons type video game on his computer. I didn't do so well in the game as I am utterly useless while stoned. Very simple directions, like 'point and click' become epic challenges for me as I usually forget what's being asked of me the minute I'm told, and thus cannot keep track of what it is I am supposed to be doing. I usually just want to sit back and enjoy the high. Maybe sneak a nap. Weed makes me very sleepy these days. I think Loken got a big kick out of the powerful effect it has on me. Whatever - I could drink him under the table I'm sure!

I spent my Saturday night with K and Tpat. We went to a local pub expecting to partake in an evening of quiet drinking and good conversation, but we were sucked into the world of karaoke and both Tpat and K ended up singing much to my surprise and delight. I contemplated taking the stage myself a few times, but ultimately, declined.

Today, I was woken up by the sound of a car crashing into my building. No one was hurt, but it certainly gave me and the roomies much to talk about.

Bored yet? I am! Goodnight all.

Eeep

2009-12-03T00:55:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to pretend a cockroach isn't crawling across my floor right now. I'm trying to ignore it, but it's big, and gross, and I don't like it! I'm told the little critters are unavoidable when you live downtown, but I do wish it would go back to whatever hiding place it has in the building, and stay there so I can pretend it, and it's brethern don't exist.

Gross.

This is one of those complaining posts...you know, the type

2009-12-01T02:22:00.001-04:00

It's official.

The youth of this city have broken me, and I am now well on my way on the path to crotchety old womanhood. This weekend American Apparel rented out some basement of a building down the street from my workplace to have some monster blowout sale that attracted hordes of young hipsters to the neighborhood. Many of them actually spent the night to secure a spot in line, and many more waited up to 8 hours in a massive line that at times stretched all the way from King St. West to Queen St. West in order to buy sweaters, scarves, too tight pants and whatever the hell else hipster teeny bopper's wear. And did American Apparel let the local businesses know that this was going to happen? Did they send a memo telling us that we were about to be ascended upon by a metric-fuck-tonne of people who will likely decide to get coffees and other beverages as they wait in line for hours and hours, and to prepare ourselves accordingly for a HUGE spike in customer volume?

No. No, they did not.

Friday was supposed to be like any other weekday at Barstucks. Busy in the morning, steady in the afternoon, busy late in the afternoon, and dead at night. That's how it works. It's a busy place to work, but it's always predictable. Not so last Friday. 9am hit, and the store exploded with not only our regluar customer base of young to middle aged professionals coming to and from work, but hordes of teenagers, and thrifty early 20-somethings demanding mocha's and caramel brule lattes and hot chocolates - MY GOD, the amount of hot chocolate that was made was amazing. We were understaffed, and underprepared, and kept running out of everything. I myself, was only able to have one 15min break 6 hours into my 8 hour shift, and then ended up staying until close because they needed an extra person. Once that American Apparel rush died down in the evening, the usual "club rush" (the servers, bouncers, and bartenders from the local clubs) began till close. It took us an hour and 15mins to do all the closing duties. At the end of the day, I was not a happy camper.

I never truly appreciated the phrase "Die Hipster Scum" until that day...I was thankfully off on Saturday which unfortunately provided more of the same for the store. More teenage girls rushing up while your in trying to assist someone else asking "how much is this?" and more "I've been waiting, for like - 25 minutes for my drink!" (it was more like 5mins), and "I asked for a polar bear cookie! I didn't get it!" It's over by the fucking cash registar where I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE, you twit!

By Sunday we had run out of a lot of pastries, and whipped cream. A woman remarked to me "you're actually charging full price for the drinks when you don't even have whipped cream?" YES! YES WE ARE! The whip is at no fucking cost to you whether you have it or not. It's a nice option. The drink is the same price whether you choose to have it or not! You rediculous woman! Get out of my life!

Ok - I'm going to take a minute....

Alright, I'm back - I'm fine. People, sometimes, make me very angry though.

Anyway - American Apparel is officially on my shit list, and I hate teenagers. On an unrelated note, I also find myself going to bed around 9 - 10pm most nights I work. There you have it, I am an old woman. All I need now are a bunch of cats and trick hip.

Dear ______________,

2009-11-27T12:40:00.000-04:00

I hope you don't mind - and that you will take this message in flattery rather then revulsion - but I think about you sometimes. Not in a creepy stalkerish type way, just fond reminisences of the limited time we've spent together, and the regret that we never seemed to formulate a deeper relationship. Basically, I wish we were proper friends. It actually bothers me a bit that we're not because we seemed to have some sort of connection when we were together. I like you, and would like to learn more about you. Alas, I would feel so silly approaching you with this request of friendship because it feels so ... I don't know... childish, to ask someone if they want to be your friend! I fear also that I may be misunderstood and thought crazy, thus making you think ill of me in the process. In my heart of hearts I sometimes wish for you to make first contact, but I don't think that's going to happen. We are after all living in different cities, living different lives, and I think if you wanted what I wanted you would have already said something. Oh well...I guess fate will decided whether we come closer in life, or fade away from memory. Hell, who knows? You could be reading this right now...Please know though, whatever fate decides, that I think of you fondly, and wish you well.

Love,
Ash

2009-11-27T01:37:00.000-04:00

When it comes down to it...I do regret how I left my last job.

Despite my many frustrations with the Chinese Restaurant (most notably with the former Boss Lady) I feel like I left the job in a really bad manner. I just left - I went on what they thought (and to be fair, what I thought at the time) was going to be a two week vacation to TO, and half way through I decided not to come back. I waited till the last possible minute to tell them I wasn't going to come back and I did it in a really chicken shit manner because I hate confrontation. I don't even know if they got the message I sent, or if they had to find out through TL, who I had messaged as well to tell that I wasn't coming back to CB let alone the job. Granted, they have had worse staff, and I know of some waitress's that have simply walked out during a shift without so much as a word to anyone in the kitchen that they quit and were leaving. Still, I'm not 'some waitress'. I'm Ash and I was supposed to be an adult, and I knew better, yet I still left them high and dry and down a waitress. Boss Lady was difficult at times, but I believe at heart she was a good woman. Boss Man was good to work for too. I burned them.

For whatever reason I'm feeling the guilt of my past actions tonight. Had I to do it all over again, I still believe I would have stayed in TO but I would have given Boss Lady and Boss Man the respect of talking to them directly, and whatever their response to my decision was (be it accepting, or angry) I would have dealt with it.

I know this guilt is pointless now. I, as well as they, have moved on and they probably don't even think about me anymore. I would do best to let these negative feelings go, and accept what happened as a learning experience. There isn't much else I can do, anyway.

Another Brief Snippit

2009-11-21T18:27:00.000-04:00

I just dropped an impressive chuck on change (at least by my standards) on an Iphone, and signed three years of life away to Rogers Wireless. Yes, folks - I can haz cell phone plan! No more pay as I go. No more topping up minutes! But I now have another monthly bill to add to the ol' stack. I'm seriously contemplating getting a part time job along side working at Barstucks. It would be nice to have some extra change. I'm currently weighing my options.

Anyway - I'm going out tonight! Aly and MervD invited me to pub where we will meet up with other people and make merry! I'm looking forward to this, although I must keep my spending in check.

Snippit

2009-11-17T15:54:00.003-04:00

I always smell like coffee. It's weird. I could be walking around town, in my regular clothes, and then all of a sudden I will get a whiff of ground coffee beans and realize that the smell is actually coming from me. Or...well...probably my hoodie, but still! I have an ever present aroma of coffee around me...I don't know how to feel about this. I personally love the smell of coffee, but I don't know if its a scent I would want to wear. I don't think anybody goes to a retailer and asks for aux de cafe latte, you know? My work clothes ALWAYS smell like Barstucks. Speaking of which...I need more work clothes.

Still Alive!

2009-11-14T18:34:00.002-04:00

I'm off for the weekend, and this makes me happy although I have literally ZERO dollars to spend and no where to really go. Right now, I'm sitting on the couch in the apartment and contemplating finishing off American Gods by Neil Gaiman. So far I'm really enjoying it and I think I would have already finished it but for the fact that my reading time has been limited to however long it takes to get to work on the subway/street car. But before that I figured I'd give an update for anyone who is still reading.

My friend broke up with his annoying girlfriend about a week ago, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit happy about that. I really didn't care for her company. My friend and I have been spending a lot of time together since the break up, but I don't think that means he's changed his mind in regards to how he feels about me. I'm not holding my breath either. I've accepted that he will likely only ever want to be friends, and that's fine with me. Friends is wonderful. He's a good one too!

As far as work goes - dare I say - serving coffee, espresso beverages, and pastries to the businessy types in the morning, and the club people at night has so far been enjoyable. There are a lot of regulars that come into the store on a daily basis, and they are all predominently cool. Most of the barrista's know the customers if not by name, then by drink, which I find impressive. It's a really busy environment, but I like it all the same. I like the people I work with. I like the area I'm in. I have good hours although I'm contemplating looking for another part time bar-type job to gain a little extra dough, and to eat up some more time.

My only real issue right now is not having time or the resources to explore personal interests. My next few paychecks are all spoken for. I have to set up a new cell, get a winter jacket and maybe some boots, make sure I have enough to pay bills, get food, pay rent...ugh...I hate being a grown up! I wish I could get into some other things, get some more hobbies. Something that isn't just work and sleep. It doesn't help that things are so expensive here either!

Oh well - I'll figure something out.

Anyway - that's all for now. Boring, yes - but life has been boring and technical lately.

Smiles on the Inside.

2009-11-04T18:45:00.002-04:00

I am waiting in eager anticipation of what's to happen next! Don't want to get my hopes up, but I can't help but smile to myself.

More later.

Reflective Night

2009-10-30T00:43:00.002-03:00

However small it is, I like my life.

I come from a loving, if somewhat dysfunctional family who love me. I work a simple job that I enjoy for the most part and it pays my bills. I have wonderful, supportive friends here in Toronto as well as at home in CB. I have my health. I have my mind. I have my heart.

I am content.

Little Sleep

2009-10-23T09:27:00.004-03:00

I talked to him last night about what was going through my mind. He listened, but I still don't think he understood how I could mistake his friendly affection for attraction. I gave up trying to explain after a while. We obviously have very different ways of seeing things. I don't know if it's good or bad that he doesn't think anything is wrong or messy with the situation. Then again, I am prone to over think things.

It hasn't escaped my attention that I may have just focused on him because he was another unattainable man - First through distance and now through him being in a relationship. Maybe that's what I should really be focusing on... How I end up in these unfulfilling emotional relationships with men who will never commit to me. I don't do it purposefully... but deep down maybe it's me who is commitment phobic.

Or maybe I'm unskilled.

Or maybe I'm just ugly.

Or maybe I'm just crazy.

I don't know

Talk amongst yourselves.

Mixed Messages

2009-10-22T20:41:00.006-03:00

"If I was a dude I'd be set, but since I'm a chick acting like a dude I'm fucked."
~ Random Quote of a Friend of a Friend.

I've come to the realization that I don't understand men. Which is odd to me considering I have more male friends then girlfriends, and the girlfriends I DO have also tend to have more male friends then girlfriends. I've been privy to a lot of manly conversation being as I am generally considered amongst my male comrades to be 'One of the guys'(a title I consider both a blessing and a curse), but despite my glimpses into the male world, I am completely at a loss to understand them in a romantic setting!

The main issue I am having right now is with a guy I've been friends with for over a year (those at home can STOP playing the guessing game because you do not know who this person is). He is making negative sense to me! I've had a thing for this guy for a while now, and based on our marathon chat sessions over the passed few months I thought the feeling was mutual. We never really talked about it feelings though, myself because I was living in CB and thought it would be stupid to initiate some long distance online relationship with a guy I've only met once, and he because...well, I don't know what I thought his reason was! We just didn't. Now we are living in the same city, and his actions toward me confuse me to death.

Perhaps I should mention at this point that he DOES have a girlfriend who he has been dating for the passed 4 months, I think? A girl I find annoying to the power of 10 but that he claims to love. Fine. Whatever. Mind you, the other day I happened to ask him if his girlfriend knew that I hang out with him in the evenings, and sometimes stay the night. I also asked him if he didn't see anything inappropriate about me staying over night and sleeping in his bed (an act that I still see as rather intimate despite our not doing anything). He told me that no she didn't, but didn't think it would be that big of a deal because she trusts him and even encourages our becoming roommates at some point (something we discussed a while ago). From a previous conversation we had he knew that I had feelings for him, but at that time he told me he saw me only as a close friend, and he had no romantic inclinations toward me at all. Thus he felt comfortable sharing a bed with me, and felt that the whole bed sharing thing was only as intimate as someone made it. We were friends, and friends spend time with each other, and sometimes spend the night! It was then I told him that I was feeling uncomfortable with the set up. I told him not only did I feel I was doing something inappropriate, but that his behavior was confusing the hell out of me. He said he didn't have any romantic feelings towards me, but he was acting like he did!

We spend a lot of time together, more time then he does with his girlfriend. He asks me to come over to his place where we watch movies, or do whatever till we both fall asleep in the same bed (we've done NOTHING, he nor I have ever tried to make a move on one another). He text me a lot. He keeps telling me how much he cares about me and how close he feels to me. This is all on top of all the epic chat sessions we had over the year that lasted for hours and were almost daily.

.....and he DOESN'T have feelings for me???

Well....Ok.....

So I started to tell him that I was trying really hard to not have feelings for him anymore, but that these sleep overs and mixed messages were making it really hard for me to. He apologized in case he unintentionally mislead me, but we couldn't really get into a proper conversation at the time due to time constraints. So we agreed to have a conversation another time. Mind you, it's not like I don't already know how the conversation is going to go on his end.

"I'm really sorry, You're a great friend, *insert random obligatory compliments*, I'm seeing someone right now, You're going to find someone great, You won't feel bad forever, *insert more random obligatory compliments*, I'm really sorry."

The thing is: I know all of this, don't need to hear it, don't WANT to hear it, I just want to fix this problem because I don't want to lose a good friend over something like this. A long time ago, after some particularly painful splits, and some awkward pseudo-relationships, I made an agreement with myself that if I were ever in another painful romantic situation again I would just cut the other person out of my life. I found that once I ceased contact with those people, and wasn't constantly exposed to reminders of said situation, I felt better faster. However, upon more careful examination of my past relationships, I also came to see that a lot of those splits were necessary because the relationships had become toxic and uneven. I don't think my relationship with my friend is toxic, or unhealthy...I just think its unfortunate. He IS a really nice guy who I believe has my best interest at heart and really does value our friendship. He's just....really naive about certain things. I want to be friends with my friend, but right now I'm not sure what to do. My head is confused and his behaviors, however innocent he thought they were, were not helping.

The only thing I know right now is that our random sleepovers are over. After that, I don't know what to do.

Ugh...crappy thing is, this situation is typical for me. Drawback to being 'One of the Guys'

Second Shift

2009-10-15T01:37:00.000-03:00

Second shift at SBs and I’m already finding coffee fascinating. I like coffee, but I now I’m actually interested in it – the beans, the grinds, the different processes that go into making different coffee beverages. It’s kind of like wine (another drink I’d love to know more about)! I’ve already experienced a number of taste testing’s where I was asked to taste and describe the flavors and smells of various coffees. Today tasting espresso shots and espresso drinks was PART of my actual training. I was paid to drink coffee and know the differences in taste and appearance of the drinks, and what constitutes a well made drink vs a not so well made drink.

Let me tell you – a shot of espresso that has been sitting too long is mighty disgusting.

Aside from my new found interest in coffee making, I’ve also found the people I work with to be lovely. I admit however that I am still somewhat intimidated by the sheer number of customers that come through the door. It’s busy pretty much all the time, and I am dreading the day I have to fly solo on espresso bar. MervD, however, reassured me that NO ONE really gets the hang of things for at least 3 months so basically I shouldn’t feel too self conscience when the day arrives.

Ok – I’ll try…

Thanks to those who commented on the last post! I am taking all suggestions under advisement and will get cracking on writing something. For now though, I just wanted to give those at home a quick update.

I miss you all!

Dried Up

2009-10-11T22:15:00.002-03:00

I'm genuinely curious what people might say, but I also know I've been cooped up in the apartment by myself for too long - so bare with me, please.

I want people to give me some topics to write about, or ask me questions you want me to answer - leave anything really! I feel like my writing is dry and unimaginative and it mostly just focuses around my daily antics. When I created this journal I was hoping to create a spot where I would write many things; daily antics of course, but also do some creative writing; exercise my mind a bit. I'd like to return to that, and I was hoping that everyone who reads could help me out. What do you want to hear about? What should I write about? Suggest anything! I'm looking for some source of inspiration.

You don't need to leave your name if you are shy about such things (or you could make one up, it doesn't really matter) but I would like everyone who happens by to leave something in the comments. It would be most appreciated!

Thanks!

I am Thankful for Torrents!

2009-10-11T19:32:00.002-03:00

I love torrents. I really really do!

I've managed not only to download several seasons of different television shows I like (what? I've been unemployed!) but I also managed to find some older movies that I have been searching for for months!

One in particular was The Marx Brothers 'A Night at the Opera'. I bought several of their movies in a box set collection over a year ago, but alas 'A Night at the Opera' was not included with the set. I couldn't find a copy by itself either! It seemed that in order to get a copy I would have to buy another box set which meant re-buying a few of the movies I already had, so I figured I'd wait and see if a copy was available online. I found it quite surprising that I wasn't able to find a torrent for A Night at the Opera, but apparently I was just looking in the wrong places. My roommate FM was able to find that AND a torrent for Casablanca which I was also looking for (the latter because I want a friend of mine to see it).

So I've been spending my Thanksgiving with The Marx Brothers, Bogie, and Ava Gardner (I also downloaded The Killers), with frequent trips to Rome (amazing series). I guess it's second best to having turkey and drinks with friends and family back home. My roommates are away at FM's parents place, so I expect the rest of my evening will be spent watching more downloaded series. I'm feeling slightly homesick, although I do enjoy the peace and quiet. God knows I might not have too many more nights like this...actually it's more then likely I will not. I start work Tuesday morning so I guess I should really prepare myself for a life revolving primarily around work (at least for the next little while).

Laura Marling

2009-10-10T17:16:00.004-03:00

Melancholic, but beautiful....

Work GET!

2009-10-08T03:00:00.002-03:00

Having all work references be out of province is a pain in ass. What's worse is having all those references be in different provinces. What's even worse then that is trying to track down all these references when you haven't seen or spoken to any of them in literally months - not to mention the fact that most of my past jobs had high turn over for supervisors, and they likely aren't the supervisors at those places anymore.

Despite these difficulties I managed to find contact info for two of my former work supervisors and I promptly gave them to BarStucks. I was offered a job as barista today. I start on Tuesday at 9:00am. This is good news, however I also have another job interview tomorrow afternoon for a local restaurant. If they give me full time hours, plus tips then I just might go with them instead.

I like having options.

I'll write more soon.

Well Don't I Just Feel Like a Raging Fucktard

2009-10-03T03:13:00.002-03:00

Why doesn't heartbreak and disappointment ever get any easier? One would think I'd be invincible by now.

A Potential Lead

2009-09-29T17:34:00.003-03:00

I have a lead on a potential job prospect - not something that I was looking for (or even something that I necessarily WANTED to do) however, given my new living circumstances I cannot dismiss it. It's something I could start immediately (or that's what I'm lead to believe) and thus earn some cash pretty soon. The agreement for my living here was that I would be able to pay my share of the rent sometime in October. D and FM have both been exceptionally understanding and supportive of me so I don't want to make them wait too long for it.

The position is with a multimillion dollar corporate business that specializes in gourmet coffee (it rhymes with BarStucks). I would be a barrista. It's not the most glamorous job, but I have several friends who work in a particular store downtown who let me know that their location is understaffed at the moment and looking to take on new blood.

The money is alright.
The people are cool.
The strict corporate polices freak me the fuck out!

But all in all, it would be a job that pays, and if I find something better I can simply leave. MervD works there as well as Loken and Aly. They seem to like it enough to keep working there. The fast paced environment kinda intimidates me but I guess it's like any other job - it'll be hard till it isn't anymore.

I haven't applied yet, but unless something drastic happens between now and tomorrow to change my mind I'm going to go down in the afternoon and drop off a resume. I just need something! Not JUST because I need money, more because I also need something to do! I'm going a bit batty.

The Day's Have Slowed Down

2009-09-27T17:45:00.000-03:00

No employment in sight as of yet. I'm getting antsy, but D tells me that a waiting period for call backs is normal. I've been pretty spoiled by the last few jobs I had. I got hired on the spot at the restaurant, the casino and the convenience store so I'm probably being unreasonable in my impatience. More resume slinging tomorrow.

The last few days have been write offs. I did manage to score some quality time with friends, spending the last three days in the presence of either Loken, MervD and Aly or all of the above. We shared some laughs, and I watched them play video games. Nothing much, but it was still a good kind of nothing. Relaxed. Still, I felt horribly guilty on Saturday morning when I woke up after having crashed at MervD's and Aly's and realized I wasted two days of valuable job search time. I can't help but feel any time that passes is a lot of time, and that opportunities are everyday passing me by. I had to stick close to home today as I didn't have any cash to go farther downtown and pass out any resumes. Tomorrow will be a day of resume slinging, and self promoting. I'm thinking of heading south to Queen St. W. I've seen a lot of cool places around there that may be looking for help. We'll see.

Some birthday festivities are being planned for a friend of mine tonight. Depending on the cost of the evening, I may or may not join in. The group is planning to have pre-drinks at my friend's place and then proceed to The Hideout downtown. I have never been to this place and don't know if there is a cover charge. If there is, I will likely just drop by the apartment tonight before they head out, hang out for a bit, then bid them a good night. If there is NO cover charge, then I'll join them and just not drink. That way I can have a good time without having to spend any cash.

Damnit, I need a job NOW!

Mmmm

2009-09-27T14:37:00.006-03:00

Buttermilk pancakes sprinkled with icing sugar, covered in maple syrup with a side of fresh fruit. Another Dessert masquerading as breakfast! It was divine!

Be va-wee, va-wee quiet! We aw hunting JOBS!

2009-09-24T18:09:00.003-03:00

Job hunting is proving to be quite a thing. I spent yesterday passing out resumes to local restaurants and cafes and all I can say about that process was that no one was particularly pleasant, but no one told me to Fuck Off either. Such is the nature of the job hunting beast - I knew this going in. Still, I feel painfully awkward at times just walking into an establishment with a resume.

Do I look confident? Am I dressed appropriately? Am I being articulate enough? Jesus, I don't know if I would look good in those skirts! STOP JUDGING ME! etc..etc...

I much prefer what I've been doing today, which is surfing Craigslist and emailing resumes to potential employers in hopes that they will call ME instead of me having to talk to them. That being said, I know that in order to find work it will require I take both methods of approach (face to face, and electronic). Ugh...shoot me, I hate doing this stuff!

In other news:

I've been slightly homesick the last few days. I have no regrets about my decision to stay in Toronto, but I do admit that I have been missing my family and friends. Just the knowing that I won't see any of them for the next little while makes me think about them, and how much I actually miss them. I spoke with Loken the other night about it, and he suggested that maybe it was the whole not saying goodbye thing that made me feel so homesick. I have to admit, it's true. I don't think I would have done this any other way, but I DO wish I had said 'goodbye'.

She seems nice, but I still don't like her.

2009-09-23T01:12:00.005-03:00

Yes, she seems nice as pie; generous, and devoid of bitchiness, pettiness, and selfishness - but that really doesn't seem to matter in her case because despite her virtues, she's still annoying as all get out! Her personality is one I could only take in very, very small doses. She's too intense, and not in the interesting 'artsy' way...more the 'child who's had too much sugar' way.

And she's my friends girlfriend.

Jesus H.

So, I have to deal with her....God help me if my friend actually turns one day and asks me what I think of her. I'll have to tell him the truth!

a half assed explaination

2009-09-21T17:50:00.002-03:00

Today was the day I was supposed to go home. Had I gone to the train station I would be somewhere in Quebec right now, en route to Truro for tomorrow afternoon. I haven't spoken to my family since I informed my father that I wouldn't be coming home. He didn't seem angry with my decision, but he didn't seem super thrilled either. I guess I can't blame any of my family members for not being psyched at the idea of me staying in Toronto. I mean, I did only come here for a vacation. I admit my decision was somewhat sudden. Still, one has to life their own life and I do feel that some time away from the nest and the forrest that housed it will be a good thing for me.

I am not one of those Cape Bretoners who like to shit on Cape Breton. I mean, we all complain of course about the seeming lack of options and employment opportunities there, but all in all it's not a bad place. I am, however, a Cape Bretoner who loves her home, but doesn't feel it offers what I am in need of at the present time.

Truth is, I don't know what I want from life yet. Not careerwise, not romantically, not personally. I have no plans, no major goals - not CLEAR ones anyway. There are a lot of things I'm interested in, and love doing but don't know whether or not I want to keep them a hobby or pursue them seriously in the hopes of making a career out of one. For example, I love theater (acting and production) but after talking to some people, seeing what professional theater is like up here, and just knowing my personal work ethic, I don't know if I would have the commitment level, or even if I would be happy in a professional theater setting. That being said, I have a penchant towards being too easily intimidated by things, and I can also be very lazy. I am aware that a thought like that could easily be a cop out because of fear and not because I don't want to do it. But I also think I could also be happy doing something else. I love film. There is still a part of me that would love to go the Film Studies route. Hell, studying film is no more pointless or ridiculous then studying literature, or paintings. It's all art. I might be a good academic in that sense. I want to write as well. I have inklings towards social work, and education. I still love communication. And, I also like being a waitress believe it or not :)

Personally I feel like I need to develop some social skills that have been lacking for far too long. I need to find my boundaries, I need to find out how to balance work, and life. I need to pay my own bills, and figure out how to fix my own finanical problems. I need to find out what's important to me, and figure out how to self motivate. I need to know how to keep myself from falling into bad habits and thinking patterns without having anyone around to help me. I need to become independant, basically. That's something I've always found hard to do in Cape Breton because I always had something or someone to lean on.

So this is what this move is about. I'm not trying to become a big star, or BE SOMEBODY. I'm not some small town girl moving to the big bad city to chase dreams...I just want to be, and see new things and meet new people, and stand on my own. And I think this city could help me in doing that.

That being said, I already miss my family and friends in CB.

Sorry to Break it to you in a Blog

2009-09-20T17:53:00.002-03:00

I have decided, after two wonderful weeks - and many hours of conversation and contemplation - that I am extending my Toronto adventure indefinitely. This may seem to some as a bit of a hasty decision, but rest assured it was not one I took lightly. When I departed from the train station September 7th, I had no intentions of staying in the city passed my original return date, but fate has offered me some pretty interesting options as of late, and I felt I would be a fool not to take full advantage of them.

Firstly, I found a place that won't require me to pay any rent until the end of October...and I don't have to move! Due to circumstances D and FM were potentially going to look for a roommate in the Fall, and since I was already here and we all seemed to get along well, D asked me if I was interested! Secondly, if that wasn't awesome enough, D and FM also offered to assist me in getting a job as both have connections in the service industry (which is where I will be looking for jobs for the time being).

I have acquired my Smart Serve certification, fixed up my resume, and over the next few days I will be printing them off and passing them into a variety of businesses. Wish me luck! I am excited to see what comes of this new experience!

Yikes!

2009-09-19T19:46:00.002-03:00

It's been decided.

Now just how in the hell am I going to tell this to my family...

Despite It All, My Head is Clear.

2009-09-17T20:02:00.001-03:00

I am making life altering decisions without a net.

2009-09-16T18:52:00.001-03:00

I just might not go home....

Daily Reminder

2009-09-14T02:13:00.001-03:00

Not to Self:

You should know you're a total wuss!

Regards,
~Ms. A

and then we did this, and then we did this, and I saw that...

2009-09-12T12:12:00.003-03:00

As I type this I am sitting on a small leather couch alone in Lil D's Toronto apartment. I think this section of town is known as Little Korea by the locals. Korean shops line up and down both sides of the streets, and nary an English word can be heard anywhere. I love it. I'm by myself for the next few days as Lil D and her bf are off to Montreal to compete in a marathon. So it's me and their furry legged baby Doyle hanging out for the next few days.

Now that I have some time, and some quiet I figured it would be good to update this old thing and let everyone know I made it to Toronto and am still alive. Here is what has happened so far.

After a three and a half hour drive with Da, the Lizard and The Boy to the train station in Truro, I boarded my train which was destined for Toronto, via Montreal. Having braved the grueling 19 hour ride in the past, I came armed with not only good books, but with a laptop full of good tunes and episodes of True Blood and Rescue Me. Honest to God, music does wonders on a long ass trip, making the hours so much more comfortable..... Mind you sleeping sucked as I had to do it in a chair with little leg room, but I managed a few Zzz's before the night was out. In the morning I boarded my last train in Montreal which would take 5 hours to arrive in Toronto.

It was the longest 5 hours ever.

The train I transferred into was much smaller then the one I had just come off, and I ended up sitting in one of those four person seaters where there is little to no leg room, with two strangers starring me in the face, and one more stranger to the left of me. I'm sure they were all good people - the girl next to me definitely as we managed to strike up a bit of conversation - but I was feeling a bit claustrophobic on top of being tired, and hungry, and I just wanted to be off the train. It was wonderful when it finally happened! The fresh air, the muscles stretching. Marvelous!

I got out at Union Station in TO, was met with a big hug at baggage by Loken (Internet name), and we proceeded to drop my things off at his place as I had yet to figure out with whom I was staying (more on that later). It was nice at long last to see Loken in person again. The Genesis of our friendship was somewhat surprising I think for the both of us as we met randomly last time I was in town. He is a friend of MervD (whom I was staying with at the time). I met Loken once at the same time I was meeting a bunch of MervD's friends, and we didn't really talk all that much. Still, I added him and a couple other of MervD's friends to FB, and wrote a quick. "Hey, what's up?" which he responded to, and I responded to that, and he to that, etc...till I just added him to messenger to make communication easier. Thus began our marathon chat sessions that have lasted over a year. So when I told him I was coming to Toronto and was unfamiliar with the TTC he offered to collect me from the station and help me get to where I needed to be.

That being said, I had no idea where I needed to be at that point! See, I was supposed to stay with MervD for the first couple of days but the night before while I was on the train, I noticed that MervD sent me a text earlier in the day. It was an urgent message for me to call him ASAP, so once the train was at a stop I B-lined it for one of the vacant bathrooms (not wanting to be one of those douchebags who insist on making everyone else hear their god damned business) and called him. Turns out he received a phone call from his best friend, Dickerson, that day informing him that he would be arriving in Toronto the next day (the same time I was to arrive) and that needed a place to stay. MervD went on to tell me that I was still more then welcome to stay with him, however it would be a cramped situation and maybe it would be easier if I contacted Lil D and asked if I could spend the first part of my trip with her, and the end at MervD's place when Dickerson went home. A little snag, but these things happen and I did have other places I could stay, so I agreed that I would try to contact Lil D and ask her if a switch would be alright. However that was not as easy as it seemed as she wasn't answering the text msgs I was sending. When I finally DID receive a text as I was getting off at Union Station in TO, it was from some Rosaline(?) person informing me that I was texting the wrong number.

Fucking great.

Loken suggested that we simply store my stuff at his place till we figured out what was going on, and in the mean time the two of us would go on an adventure and see some sights. I was certainly agreeable to that, and on our way to his place I did manage to contact Lil D, and sort out the arrangements!

So far Day 1 in TO was going rather well. I got to meet my friend, found a place to sleep that was convenient for everyone, and walked around downtown, through Chinatown, and Kensington Market. So much to see. More then I ever could in a lifetime...sigh. In the evening Loken and I met up with MervD, and others for some sushi at a nice restaurant downtown. Afterward me and Loken went to get my stuff from his place with the intention of moving it to Lil D's, but we started watching a movie and it got too late. I crashed there and in the morning we went to Lil D's.

Day 2 was lovely. A bit quieter as I spent most of the day with Loken trying to find Lil D's, and then once found, I stayed in and got acquainted with D's boyfriend FM. Great guy! The three of us spent the evening watching TV shows online and eating nachos, and when FM went to bed me and D stayed up chatting and catching up. Like I said, quiet but none the less wonderful.

Day 3. Woke up, showered, and proceeded on a shopping tour with Lil D. I was quite glad to have a girl around on this trip because she was wanting to show me all the cool stores downtown. Not that hanging out with the guys isn't a blast, but usually if I want to stop and check out a pair of shoes in a window they like to shake their heads. Thus, going on an apologetically girly adventure through the shops and boutiques of Toronto was a treat! When the time came for Lil D and I to part (as she had to go to work) I braved the TTC all by my lonesome and managed to make it to MervD's place with only one call to his cell to ask where in the Jesus his place was again...When I made it there me, MervD and Dickerson played with Wii Sport, then went to another one of MervD's friend's places for a games night. We had quite a few people on board for a game of Zombies. Once again, quiet night but I got to spend it with some wonderful people.

Day 4. Spent the entire day with Loken pretty much as he received a copy of the Planet Earth series as a belated birthday present. We started watching it and became somewhat entranced by it. Honest to God, it is a fascinating and well done series. So fascinating that we ended up wasting away much of the day just watching. It wasn't until I received a text from K and TPat asking me if I wanted to join them for a beer that I realized the time. It was TPat's birthday and I hadn't yet seen him OR K till that point so I went back to Lil D's, got ready and jumped on the subway towards his place. K met me at Christy station so I didn't have to make the entire journey alone at night. We got to TPat's, a movie was watched, beers were drank, laughs were had, horribly offensive jokes were made...good night.

Last year I did most of the touristy things in TO, so this trip I'm being loose and going with the flow. I really do love this city, and of course the friends I have residing here. Already I want to stay forever, but most likely I will be coming home for a little while longer. There is still a chance Halifax might be my next destination so ... I don't know.... we'll just have to see! I'm not going to think about it now, not when I still have about 8 days of fun to be had here.

Also, I finally have Internet so I'll try to post more news as it comes. ;)

Pre-wedding Jitters???

2009-09-05T02:02:00.003-03:00

I'm still awake after trying in vain to fall asleep. It's all of this wedding nonsense keeping me awake (by the way, I have weddings to attend tomorrow). The knowing that I have to try and make it to two of five weddings I know going on tomorrow. I don't know what is was about Sept 5th this year, but everyone on the island seemed to want to get married that day. Honestly I didn't think Cape Breton had the population for 5 weddings to occur at the same time. Maybe it doesn't...I guess we'll see.

A girl I went to high school with is getting married at the Savoy at 2pm. Getting to and from GB is going to be a task, but I do want to make an effort to get out there as I attended the Bachelorette last weekend which led to my being reacquainted with high school/early university friends. It was quite nice and I still feel really close to my old friend despite the time that has passed. She invited me and I want to support her on "her special day".

The second wedding will happen at the Big Fiddle around 6ish. Now that wedding I cannot miss AT ALL. It's the wedding of one of the sisters best friends, and I've known her and her husband to be all their lives. We went to the same schools, went to each others birthday parties, etc...Everyone I know from childhood will be in attendance which both delights and terrifies me. It should be a good time, but I still find this wedding business really intimidating.

I like attending weddings for the most part, but I don't think I would want to have one myself. It seems like more stress then what it's worth. I would find the entire process intimidating and in some ways embarrassing. Not to mention the idea of MARRYING someone freaks me out as well. I just can't see myself promising to love someone for the rest of my life when I don't know what the next day, never mind what the rest of my life, will bring! If life is in a constant state of change, then so am I, and thus how can I say I will love someone forever when I may not be the same person in the future as I am now.

I don't know - I could ramble on and on on this but I won't. It's nothing profound. Nothing bigger and better then me haven't said a million times before. Still....

God, let me sleep so I can get through tomorrow!

It's Movie Time!

2009-09-04T14:10:00.003-03:00

Julie/Julia was not a movie I was initially interested in seeing this summer; not that I was against seeing it, I just assumed I would just see it when it came out on DVD and whatnot. It didn't strike me as a movie I would necessarily want to spend my $20 on at the theater - but last night I had a girls night with two lovely ladies (The General and Hollybear) so it seemed fitting for the three of us to indulge in a satisfying chick flick. It was a really good movie that made me want to learn how to cook - too bad I'm so lazy...seriously, my idea of cooking is ordering out. Sad but true...

I was very happy to see The General as I hadn't seen her in a year. She is one of those wonderful people that you can be separated from for quite some time, then re-connect with and its like no time has passed between you. It was also very nice to get MORE acquainted with Hollybear. Much like Silvermoon, she was one of those people with whom I had many mutual friends, but never really got to know very well. The three of us had good conversation and a lot of laughs, and talked a bit too loud in the nearly empty movie theater, but a grand time was had!

Speaking of movies, I feel the need to talk about District 9 - my personal opinion being that it was probably one of the best movies to come out this summer (summer movies meaning anything that came out from May 2009-Aug 2009). In a year where most of the summer blockbusters were sequels, prequels, based on best selling novels, late 80's/early 90's cartoon series, and comic book characters, here is an original low budget, Sci-Fi screenplay whose simple yet profound story blows most of them out of the water. I think this is partially due to the fact that an original story gives an audience less expectation then a screenplay based on another work of art. You can watch the trailer and say "wow, that looks good!" but not "wow, I know that story the movie could be amazing". The fact is, most of us had our expectations, wants and desires when it came to Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Based on the first movie and our memories of the original series we wanted certain things to happen, or certain elements of the story to have more emphasis. Even if we left loving the movie, we still had some feelings of longing for what we would have wanted to see in the film instead (note: I did really like Transformers 2).

Anway - District 9 was a really great film. I loved the way they switched back and forth from a documentary style to first person perspective, but without that dizzying Cloverfield effect. It's set in South Africa, and the main character is admittedly a selfish dick (thank you JJ) in charge of notifying an alien compound called District 9 that they will be forcibly resettled to another area farther away from their human neighbours. The aparthide theme is very obvious, but it's a good obvious not an annoying preachy obviousness. Despite the fact that they are likely all CG images, the main alien characters were well developed as well (the little one being quite adorable if I do say so myself). I don't want to reveal too much of the story as I don't want to run the risk of spoiling anything, but I would highly, highly suggest everyone to check it out. Even if you're not a sci-fi fan, I still think you would enjoy it.

The other movie that I would suggest everyone see is Quinten Tarrentino's Inglourious Basterds. I would put this one up with District 9, although you should not ask me which one is better because they are quite incomparable. It's an epic movie, shot in tyical Tarentino style. You could take any section of this movie and have it stand on its own as a short film. The acting was magnificient especially Christoph Waltz who when you see his performance you will understand why he won Best Actor at Cannes this year. It is at this time that I would like to announce for the record that I think Brad Pitt is a great actor who is trapped in a gorgeous man's body and as such he is not taken as seriously as maybe he should be. Thankfully though in his later years he seems to be sheding that 'good looking movie star' image and really showing what he can do. He does great work as a character actor. Their really wasn't one weak performance that I can think of. It was fun, mezmorizing, well written, and ballsy! You'll see why when you watch it.

Star Trek, Public Enemies and Terminator Salvation deserve honorable mentions for being good films, with the best family film being Up. Holy Hell, Up was good! Played on a lot of emotions that film! Harry Potter was interesting (but my only experience with Harry Potter is through the films as I haven't and don't plan on reading the books), and of course I had fun at Transformers 2. I thought it was better then the first one (and I liked the 1st). At least the transformers were more then mere objects in their own movie this time.

Enough movie talk. Back to doing nothing.

I Forgot How Beautiful This Song Is.

2009-08-31T11:03:00.003-03:00

There is no official video for the song, but thanks to Youtube, people can just make their own.....and I can subsequently post it here.

God, I love this song.

A real post will follow shortly.

Dreamer

2009-08-28T19:07:00.000-03:00

Would like to go to Toronto and not have to come back.

Know What I Like?

2009-08-26T23:17:00.002-03:00

I like when a coffee date turns into an epic, all day adventure. That's what I like!

Possibilities

2009-08-26T01:26:00.002-03:00

New developments make me feel somewhat hopeful. I won't count my chicken's though.

Like A Blue Assed Fly.

2009-08-23T21:47:00.003-03:00

My shift was re-goddamn-diculous!

For those of you not in the know (which aren't many), Hurricane Bill hit the island today and left many people without power for a few hours. I was scheduled to work the day shift today, and I stupidly figured that business would be dead because everyone would be inside, staying out of the bad weather.

Not so.

As a matter of fact, I don't think I've ever been so consistently busy. Apparently, Sydney River was one of the few places on the island that did NOT lose power in the storm. We had a few flickerings in the afternoon but the lights stayed on, so the restaurant stayed open and everyone who couldn't make their own meals due to lack of power came out in droves to our little restaurant. At least that's what it felt like. It's times like that I really hate working alone. Sure Boss Lady came out to help waiting customers when I was occupied elsewhere with others, but for the most part, I was on my own. It was hard to keep up. To make matters worse, the night shift girl called to say she wasn't coming in to work due to the hurricane so I wasn't sure what was going to happen once my supposed quittin' time came.

I mentioned to Boss Man (Boss Lady's husband) that the evening shift called off and what were we to do when I had to leave. He asked when I was off; I told him 5-5:30pm. He asked if I would stay till 6:30pm, my guess being that that would be enough time to cover any supper rush that might hit us. I agreed, albeit a bit begrudgingly, but I understood the reasoning. I thought we were going to close at 6:30pm since many other businesses were closing early due to the storm, and because we didn't have anyone to cover the night shift. I was wrong apparently. When I asked Boss Lady if I should start closing she looked at me strange and said No - she would handle the rest of the night, and that I should just clean the tables before I leave.

Fine with me.

I got home at 7pm.

One would think that the silver lining to all this would be the tips I was sure to have made because of the high volumn of customers. Not so - see, while my tips were respectable at the end of the day, most of my orders were take out. Most people don't tip for take out. Actually people don't think to tip for take out. I know I never did until I started working at the restaurant.

So yeah - Rough night!

It was nice to see Nichire and JB at the restaurant though. Mind you the kitchen majorly dropped the ball on their order, and I couldn't find the time to bring them their drinks till they were WAY finished their meal. Ugh...I'm glad it was them though.

Anyway - I have 5 days off starting right now. I'm going to enjoy them. Especially after this work week.

TF

2009-08-21T23:25:00.005-03:00

I think about you way too often. Get out of my head...please! You shouldn't be there. It's too complicated.

Boss Lady Be Trippin'

2009-08-17T22:19:00.004-03:00

I can't be the only person who paces the floor after an unpleasant encounter thinking about all the things I SHOULD have said, right? Right! I'm thinking of all these things I would like to say to Boss Lady after tonight. It was busy all evening at the restaurant, and Boss Lady was once again criticizing my work.

"You have to go faster!"
"You can't stand around going like this *mimes me sweeping my bangs to the side (something I tend to do as they get in my eyes)*"
"You're training shifts are over, you go fast!"

Seriously I was about to kill her. But I didn't, because I had work to do, and customers to attend to, and I can't just smart mouth the Boss Lady when we're busy. It would just make things worse for me, for the kitchen, and potentially for the entirety of my working there, and I do need the job at the moment.

So if you don't mind dear readers, I'm about to do all I can do at this point after thinking of all the valid arguments I could have brought up on my defense tonight, and write a pointless (except for venting purposes) letter that will never been seen my Boss Lady's eyes.

Ahem...

Dear Boss Lady,

Tonight was a busy night so I can understand the pressure and stress that must overcome you when in the kitchen over hot stoves, having order after order come your way. I feel it too. I also understand that this is your business and you like to have things done a certain way. That is only fair and I am willing to do whatever you ask of me in regards to the job you hired me to do. I respect you opinion, your station, and undoubted experience in the food service industry and am only too happy to hear any helpful suggestions you might have in order for me to more efficiently do my job - BUT - I do not take kindly to the constant criticisms, the slight sarcasm, and the humiliations of being accosted in front of other staff for minor perceived mistakes.

In regards to tonight - you told me consistently that I needed to go faster. No - actually you told me I was slow. I assure you I was going as fast as I could which should have been evident by my red face, and huffing and puffing as I ran from the kitchen, to the tables, to the cash, to the phones. Was I able to hit everywhere at the same time? No. But I am one person, and as such, can only be at one place at any given time. I really don't know how I could have went faster. Perhaps you felt I wasn't working as efficiently as you would have liked? In which case the only way I'm going to know any different is if you show me how you think I should approach a situation. You're criticizing only leads to making me feel nervous, and when I am nervous I will make mistakes, and you will end up getting more frustrated and bad feelings will be held all around. I really don't think I was that slow, and if I was it wasn't on purpose. Believe it or not, I actually do take pride in doing a good job, and I want to do a good job for you, but you're not going to inspire my best by being bitchy, and judgmental. If something was not done, then it was likely because I was doing something else that needed to be done, not because I was standing around playing with my hair, as you seem to think I do after tonights encounter.

There are times when I'm working that I feel I can't do anything right. If I am with a customer, you will ask why the tables haven't been cleared. If I clean the tables, you'll tell me to look after the customers first. Honestly, if you feel I am not up to the challenge of this job, then by all means fire me! I'd prefer that to having you hover over me calling me on every little slip up, wondering why I didn't get "this" done when I was balls deep with "that".

Which brings me to my next point. I have been employed with you for a little over two months, but I've only worked maybe two days a week, mostly 5 - 6 1/2 hour shifts at a time. I've learned a lot, but by no means have I learned everything. I can't possibly learn everything, and be exposed to every situation (and know what to do when such a situation arises) on couple of hours, two shifts a week. I am learning something new everytime I walk through the restaurant doors, and if you assume otherwise, you are being naive plain and simple. I am not a mind reader, soothsayer, or fortune teller, so don't expect me to know what you want me to do! And that crack about "your training shifts are over, now you have to be fast" was unwarrented. Besides, I could tell you a thing or two about "training" on Mothers Day. Here's a hint - it's a bad idea! But that's beside the point...

Despite what I have said in this letter you should know that I do like you. The weird thing is, most of the time you are good to work with, and for - but when it gets busy, or when you are in a certain mood you can get crabby and insensitive, and maybe that's just your way, but it doesn't work for me. I've let things slide thus far because I know that you do eventually change your mood and are pleasant again once things settle down. That being said, you need to cut me some slack and show a little understanding. Don't tell me to go faster, show me how to do things more efficiently because you know what? You might know something that I don't know and could help me a lot. Don't be scarastic. It only infuriates me. And please for the love of God, Do Not Talk Down to Me. I am not stupid, and I am not some little mouse. Like I said, I've taken things in stride for the last little while out of respect, not fear - if things continue I will tell you what I think and I won't care if you are angered by it.

And it won't be in some nameless, faceless blog that you will never see.

Regards,
A.

Ok, so it's not the best letter I ever wrote, but it did do what I wanted it to do for me. I am much calmer now, and thinking much clearer. Thank God, I have tomorrow off. I think a movie date with myself is warrented.

Light Bulb

2009-08-17T02:36:00.003-03:00

In regards to one of the previous 'thoughts' I had today - The one about my friends thinking it would be weird if I was in a relationship - a new revelation has come about. I happened to mention to another friend what was said, and he agreed with my other friends stance. He said that if it were discovered that I was dating someone he would think one of two things. Either (1) I had lost my independence, or (2) I was being taken advantage of in some way. I didn't ask for clarification on the second statement, although I probably should have...BUT I did get an interesting answer when I asked about the first.

He said that I was a person who seemed much more confidant, together, and complete when single. That I was someone who didn't seem to think that I needed a "Man" to be whole, and that being in a relationship might even have an unsettling effect on me as opposed to a grounding effect.

A Light Bulb went off.

I started thinking about all my past 'relationships' and this was the conclusion I came to.

I am more together personally when on my own. I like being able to do what I want, when I want and with who ever I want. I do my own thing, I set my own pace. I like that. I feel lonely at times, and of course I want to be in a healthy relationship, but I've never needed a man to complete me. I don't need completing. I've never subscribed to that thinking. And when I think of all the times I've been involved romantically with someone, I can't help but recognize the fact that I was completely off kilter emotionally when in the relationship.

I don't even know what to do with myself when I'm involved with a man. I get depressed more easily, I limit myself, I start hearing their voice in my head, and I generally become much more self conscience. I start resenting restriction, and given the circumstances I might even become suspicious or jealous which makes me feel worse.

I can't think of a single romantic situation I've been in where I didn't feel like I was going insane. Maybe I just don't do well in relationships. I'm hoping though that maybe I just need to wait till I find that one person who makes me feel the same way I do single as I do when I am with them. Someone who makes me feel good about doing what I want. Someone who will understand and support my need for personal freedom and adventure, but at the same time give me a sense of security and stability. And most importantly, someone who makes me feel loved and accepted.

I don't know if that person exists though. Here's hoping he does, and doesn't already have a girlfriend.

Me So On Fi-yah

2009-08-16T18:26:00.005-03:00

I told work about the Toronto trip next month.

They seemed fine with it.

Good.

I'm glad.

It was hot today, which means my shift at the restaurant consisted of cleaning, napkin folding, writing "Lunch Special, Mon-Sat, 11-3pm, $5.50" on the take out menus, and waiting on the very occasional table. Yes, business was slow. No one wants to eat hot Chinese when its over 30 degrees, and especially not when it's Sunday and one could be at the beach instead. Right now, I'm home and relaxing till I have to go back to the restaurant tomorrow evening.

And I'm thinking....

~ I would I could have stayed at Skth's last night with everyone else.
~ Ricky Gervais is funny.
~ I want to see District 9.
~ Is it just me? Or did I have absolutely nothing to talk to her about. Like talking to a wall.
~ I'm still disappointed.
~ I wish there was chocolate in the house.
~ New True Blood tonight!
~ My friends think it would be weird if I were in a relationship? Really?
~ This book is somewhat pissing me off...
~ I'm sleepy.

2009-08-16T01:59:00.001-03:00

I wish you weren't so completely full of shit.

That Nagging Feeling....

2009-08-15T02:13:00.002-03:00

I've been trying to deal with some feelings of the down sort over the past couple weeks. I find it hard to act as I did before. I fear that may act as a repellent, but I'm disappointed and .... and I want to say something, but I can't. I have to keep this one close because not doing so could lead to more disappointment. Sometimes I feel I have the worst timing. My life is hilarious.

That's A Wrap (or is it Rap, I don't know)

2009-08-10T21:48:00.004-03:00

I am officially wrapped on The Stillborn! I just spent the evening finishing up the scenes I'm in, and all went well. I can now cut my hair which I'm pretty stoked about, even though the idea of spending the money I should be saving is kind of disheartening. I do need a haircut though! I set up a date to get some head shots taken this week, and I can't cut my hair AFTER the fact because I have to look like the girl in the picture. Hopefully I can get an appointment.

Anyway - discussion about my hair is boring. Moving on!

Toronto, Toronto, Toronto....I need you now! I can't wait for that escape! There are certain aspects of the trip that I am slightly put off by, but I'm hoping things work out. At least I have multiple friends in the city, so that more then likely I will always have someone to spend time with. I don't want to feel sad at any point while there.

For now, I must spend my days in Sydney, working at the restaurant. I haven't told my bosses about my trip yet. I really don't know if my boss will be cool with me telling her I need two weeks off in September, even IF I only work two-three shifts a week. They might tell me that I need to quit, in which case I will. Then again, they might let me get away with it. And if not, maybe the boss would appreciate the notice, and hire someone when I leave. I don't know. I'll ask advice from whoever is working tomorrow.

So....

2009-08-09T14:36:00.003-03:00

.....I woke up hung over in a king sized bed next to Nichire and JB at some hotel in Sydney River. Next to us on a fold out couch was BB and a friend of Nichire's. We all felt fairly sketchy, I especially. The privious night was alchol fueled, and I hadn't been drunk since the Whiskey Mission back in May. We had all been celebrating Nichire and JB's birthday, so I figured that was as good a reason as any to break the trend. I had fun, but unfortunately, due to my overall feeling of disgust I missed the Urban Picnic today.

Yesterday also marked the end of the Outdoor Festival as well. All in all that went well. I even managed to record the show I directed for prosperity.

Ugh....I want to write more, I mean I was intending to, but....fuck it.

Too tired.

Well....

2009-08-08T17:03:00.002-03:00

I didn't gain anything, but I didn't lose anything either. Things are still the same.

I choose to be happy.

Old Writings From 101

2009-08-08T01:53:00.002-03:00

The Goddess:

An ethereal being in plain clothes.

That’s what he thought when he first saw the Goddess approaching him on a perfectly ordinary day X number of years ago. Yes, he was awestruck by her presence and her beauty, but even more awestruck by how people on the street seemed to just pass her by, oblivious to the fact that they were in the presence of the divine; Witnesses to a miracle, though they acted as if she were a part of the scenery of everyday folks trying to get to work in the morning. No more significant then that man with the brief case and cell, or the fire hydrant on the corner. Fools, he thought to himself. Don’t they see? Her blonde hair, its real gold. That glow isn’t the sun at her back, it is her.

The Goddess, of course, knew that he knew who she was. And as a gift for seeing through her mortal costume and finding what was really there, she touched his head and with that gesture, his heart. Something no other woman would have been able to do in so few steps; and thus, another mortal man fell victim to the charms of the Goddess.

He fell so deeply in love that he forgot everything; Forgot who he was, where he was, how he got there, where he was before. But it didn’t matter. He had the love of a Goddess, and everything was wonderful. Everything was perfect. As perfect as his newfound celestial lover.

Alas, little did he realize on that perfectly ordinary day X number of years ago, that having the love of The Goddess is a mixed blessing at best. She was the perfect passionate lover, and the perfect well read intellect, and the perfect fun loving companion. She moved like music, said all the right things at the right time, and never did her mortal lover question her affections for him. Yet for all her perfection he at times did grow ever so slightly dissatisfied. Not with The Goddess directly; because how in the world could one ever be dissatisfied with such an intensely lovable being; but with himself.

He was mortal and was as a result, not perfect. He had many flaws that only seemed to stand out more prominently when he was near the Goddess, and he became convinced that that was sometimes all people could see. Although the Goddess never gave any impression that she was unhappy with him, He thought of how as time went on, her heavenly essence would continue to keep her young, and beautiful and strong, while in that same time frame he, being a mere human man, would grow old, Lose youthful energy, die and decompose into nothing. The message seemed clear to him. The Goddess was forever. He was nothing. He began to feel unworthy of the Goddess’s attention and love. He began to feel as if it were only a matter of time before the Goddess realized her mistake, or simply became bored with him and moved on to another more perfect mortal man. He knew he was not her first, nor would he be her last lover, and this deeply affected him.

However, he did love the Goddess deeply and unconditionally, and he knew that no other woman would ever make him feel as loved and as wonderful as his Goddess did…Which made his next action particularly puzzling, even to him.

He began to look back at his own world; the world of the temporary. He had noticed the stares and affectionate glances thrown his way by mortal women in the past and this did excite him, despite having the perfect love of the Goddess. And sometimes, he would stare back. While these women had hair simply made of hair and their glow was in fact the sun at their backs, there was something very attractive about them. He liked how he wasn’t in awe of all of them, and how he could control his emotions around them. He could love them but not be a slave to that love.

One day, he found a woman that he liked and as he and she kept talking, these two mortals, he began to feel a connection with this woman. No, it was nothing like what he felt for the Goddess, but affection grew and he kissed the mortal woman. He found it satisfactory.

However, when the Goddess found out about his betrayal she became angry and refused to see her mortal lover again. He begged and pleaded for The Goddess to forgive him, to love him, but it was too late. He had offended the divine and would as a result be punished.

She left her lover alone, and he wept for his beautiful, perfect Goddess. He missed her desperately, and for a long time afterwards, could not forgive himself for the slight he had given his Celestial lover. She had offered him perfect love, and he repaid her with betrayal. He never saw his Goddess again.

The years since that day had been filled with other loves, and some of them were almost as joyous as the one he had experienced with his Goddess. But none ever really achieved that level of perfection he kept looking for. He found himself apologizing a lot to the broken hearted women that could never understand why he couldn't give them his heart completely. All he could tell them was that his heart was not his to give. It belonged to someone else. At one time he had experienced the love of a Goddess, and after having that, no mortal love could ever make him content, though he still searched, because mortal love was still better then no love at all. It wasn’t their fault.

Sometimes he would find himself walking down that same street where he had once walked one perfectly ordinary day X number of years ago, but this time in hopes of spying a Goddess in mortal’s clothing. His continued search was in vain, because he never did find the Goddess again, although he would picture in his mind what another meeting would be like between the two of them.

She would appear to him this time as a red head, but really her hair is fire. Time would have healed all wounds and his Divine lady would run up to him and once again touch him on his head and with that same gesture his heart. Something no other woman has ever been able to do since, and all his hurt and loneliness and feelings of guilt that built up over their years apart would melt away and he would this time revel in his perfect love. He would accept and be grateful for his time with the Goddess even as he grew old next to her, and even though he knew his time would only be temporary. He would be content to die knowing the love of the Goddess. After their reunion on the street, they would walk off hand in hand towards, if you can believe it, an even more perfect love.

That’s what he would like for to happen, although deep down he knows it isn’t likely. His Goddess is gone. He wonders where she is, and what she is doing, and if she’s in love, maybe with another mortal man.

Then he’ll come to the end of the street. Sigh. And return to his home among the mortals, in wait for tomorrow when he can continue his search.

Dunno know I'm going to do with this, if anything...just happened upon it.

Eyes Roll

2009-08-07T21:46:00.004-03:00

I get so annoyed with snobbery. Especially when what's being said is mon-u-mentally ignorant.

Blur - Tender

2009-08-06T12:37:00.003-03:00

I'm been listening to this song for the last few days. I think it's one of Blur's finest songs, and while I know it's not really about me or anything I've experienced, it does feel familiar.

Singles

2009-08-05T19:55:00.002-03:00

Tonight was opening night for the street theater festival down town. We have five designated locations for outside performances of various original plays written by local writers. By all accounts things went smoothly for the most part. There were SOME blips, but thankfully nothing that really threw a wrench into the shows. For example, JJ had to fill in for one of his actors when it became apparent that they were not going to show up in time for the show. We created for him an impromtu superhero costume out of Skth's shirt, Nichire's skirt, my sunglasses, and a remote control wrapped in tinfoil (props from my play). It was a bit nerve wrecking, especially for JJ but it all turned out well!

I spent the hours before showtime hanging out with Nichire, and Silvermoon. We went for coffee, and checked out the candy shop, and comic store before meeting up with JB in the parking lot of his workplace. While waiting, cherries and rice crackers were eaten, girl talk was had...twas lovely.

In other news, I really REALLY can't wait to go to Toronto in September. Seriously, I need a break from this place and the various dramas that insist on happening. I'm also looking forward to hanging out with single people again. All my friends are couples. Now, DON'T get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my couple friends. I always have a wonderful time with them, and it's not like they are the annoying coupley people who can't stop sooking each other, and telling the world how deeply in love they are; but there are times when I do feel a bit out of place, even third wheelish. A few days ago a bunch of us went to Tim Hortons for coffee and conversation after a short film marathon at St. Patricks. Nine of us went. Odd number. Guess who was the odd one out? I looked around the group and realized that I was the only single person there. I don't lament that, but it does make me feel weird at times.

But, once again please don't take that to mean I don't enjoy my friends because I do! I would just like to hang out with some singles again :)

Vulgarity Aside, I Think There Is Much Truth In This Speech

2009-08-04T02:39:00.004-03:00

All Hot and Bothered...

2009-08-03T15:47:00.002-03:00

...and NOT in the sexy way!

It's been scorching the last little while, and I hate it. I'm told over and over by people that I shouldn't complain because before long Winter will be here and we'll all be complaining about the cold. Summer does not always agree with me, unfortunately. I was born with auburn hair, fair skin and freckles, thus I burn like a bastard in the sun. Not to mention I just dislike the feeling of sweat and grit 24/7. Gross.

I went to a short film event last night with some friends. It was held at St. Patrick's Church Museum, which was a good spot for it, I must say. The shorts were all well done for the most part. I enjoyed myself anyway. Afterward, the good folks I arrived with all decided to go out for coffee, so I joined them, and much merriment was had.

Right now, I'm waiting to hear from JJ in regards to getting out to the university for a bunch of rehearsals. I look forward to it. I really want to see the Goons rehearsal.

Writers Block

2009-08-01T22:41:00.004-03:00

There are a lot of things on my mind.

I'll write about them when I can find the right words of expression.

Late Night Funk

2009-07-31T04:23:00.003-03:00

I'm much to old for all this mood swinging. Going from jolly to melancholy is exhausting at my age.

I Will See You In September....

2009-07-30T01:25:00.004-03:00

I took advantage of the via rail discounts, and booked myself a ticket to Toronto in September. It's going to require almost 24 hours of traveling (not counting the 4 hour drive to Truro), but luckily I love the train. I will be in the city for the TIFF, not to mention I will see all my lovely friends that I miss so much!

Now that I have the tickets, I need to get me some spending money and to inform work about my imminent vacation plans. I wonder how that will go down? Do I care? Nah....I'm going to Toronto!

I Am A Silly Girl Sometimes

2009-07-29T03:21:00.002-03:00

It would be ridiculous to feel any disappointment whatsoever.

Alas..................................

Know What?

2009-07-28T04:56:00.001-03:00

I can hear every criticism in my head at night when I try to sleep.

The Day Got Better

2009-07-27T14:21:00.003-03:00

10-15ish to 3am was amazing for two reasons.

Tpat knew how to record mp3's, AND we got to hang out at his folks place to catch up after a few months of little to no contact due to distance, time constraints and the absence of reliable interwebs on his end. It never ceases to amaze me how a quiet evening with one other person whom you really enjoy can sometimes be more fun then the most raging of keggers.

Things are pretty good in life right now. I must be a fantastically boring read these days.

Finally...

2009-07-26T21:20:00.004-03:00

...after years of running in the same social circles, and bumping into each other at various events, exchanging only few words, Silvermoon and I had our first 'date'!

I use the word 'date' loosely, of course. Sure we've hung out before, but today was our first official, planned, social outing alone where we could talk to each other and have fun. We had lovely weather for it too! Warm and sunny with a slight breeze. We closed down the Bean Bank after two cups of coffee, and then attacked a candy store where we picked up some laffy taffy, and sour candies. We then took a stroll downtown, on the boardwalk, took some pictures, and talked about anything and everything.

I had a wonderful time, and there will be more to follow I'm sure.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to record my voice in mp3 format. Just waiting for Tpat to come help me. I'm such a technological idiot.

This is Madness

2009-07-25T22:26:00.003-03:00

Beautiful madness........
It has to stop now.

......

2009-07-24T22:14:00.000-03:00

I Do Not Like:
- Being yelled at.
- Hearing people yell at each other.
- Eggs.
- Feeling useless
- Panic attacks
- Not knowing, or at least not having a general idea of what I am supposed to do in any given scenario.
- The first few weeks of a new job.
- Mean disrespectful people.
- Insensitivity.
- Being patronized.
- Bugs
- Hearing people having sex in another room.
- Having a peaceful sleep interrupted by a full bladder.
- Cleaning.
- Male strippers
- Writers block
- People who claim to hate country music, but say they are Johnny Cash, and Hank Williams Sr. fans.
- Twilight the movie (and although I never read passed the first chapter of the first book due to a deep dissatisfaction with the writing style, I don’t imagine I would like any of the books either)
- Threats
- Pretension
- Broken hearts and bruised egos
- Misunderstandings
- Humidity
- The way the rain makes my hair curl

I Do Like:
- Being on stage.
- Wine.
- Finding the right words to correctly express my thoughts and/or feelings.
- Reading in a comfortable chair.
- Teas and coffees
- Chocolates
- Intimacy.
- People watching in restaurants and coffee shops
- Going to the movies alone
- Pacing the floor.
- Naps
- The first few minutes after my shift ends.
- Szechwan Chicken.
- Big cities
- True Blood.
- Radiohead
- Writing.
- Silly conversations with intelligent people.
- Popping bubble wrap.
- Instant connections with new people.
- The awkward moment before a first kiss.
- Storytellers.
- Looking up an article on Wikipedia and then another and then another, etc, until it’s late at night.
- Browsing book stores.
- High Heels
- Pasta dinners.
- The smell of clothes dried on a line outside.
- Walks in the evening.
- The seed of a new idea.
- Biographies.
- The Marx Brothers
- Watching various films.
- Discovering a brilliant new book.
- Doing something nice for someone.
- Secrets
- Flirting
- Impressing people with pop culture information.
- Coca-cola

Sometimes Things Do Work Out

2009-07-23T17:35:00.002-03:00

Yesterday morning I was praying for a slow shift that would pass quickly. I mean of course that I wanted few customers, and for quittin' time to come early.

No Dice.

The entire day went back and forth from busy to steady. I remember only two distinct times when I was alone in the dining room, without a single table. Both times it wasn't for long, and I was still taking phone orders as well.

You'd think that would make for a very unhappy Ashley.

I would have too!

Not the case.

It was actually a very good shift. Sure I was busy most of the time, but everything went smoothly, both boss's were in the kitchen cooking, and as both of them speak English fluently there were no miscommunications whatsoever in regards to the orders coming in. Even the two slight incidences that occured went over brilliantly well. Everyone laughed them off.

I went home with some good money in my pocket, and a smile on my face for the three delicious days off I was facing.

Thanks to all who offered support to me for my bad day. Things are better! :)

FU 2Day

2009-07-22T01:36:00.004-03:00

I don't love my job, but I don't hate it either.

For the most part I'm pretty comfortable. The job itself it quite easy. I give people menus, I take their orders, give the order to the kitchen, run the food and drink to the table, calculate the bill, throw it on a piece of plastic with a few fortune cookies, process their payment, and clear and set the table after the people leave. It's not rocket science.

That being said, certain aspects are somewhat unpleasant. Dealing with a rude or unsatisfied customer is always a pain, naturally. The language barrier is a daily struggle from both my side, and the Chinese speaking kitchen staff. We don't always understand each other. Working solo can be overwhelming when all the tables are full, the phone is ringing, and the orders are coming out.

I'm rambling. Let me just get to the point, shall I?

I had a rough shift.

...........I really don't hate the job, but what I do hate is this:

I hate Clopening (closing in the night, to open in the morning). I hate when random anxiety hits me. I hate the old school cash register we use. I hate the criticisms. I hate supper rushes. I hate douchebag customers. I hate having to fake empathy when I couldn't give a shit. I hate sticky sauces. I hate when co-workers won't just come to me directly and tell me if there is something I am not doing correctly instead of bringing it to the boss. I hate that the same person who complained to the boss about my closing duties is the same person who was SUPPOSED to have closed that day but instead called at the last minute saying she couldn't come to work so I took her shift, and as such I worked the entire day, open to close - thanks for bitch slapping me! I hate not understanding what is being said. I hate feeling like I'm fucking up. I hate that these things are bothering me so much.

Enough of this. The day is over. Tomorrow is another shift.

Dear Tomorrow's Shift,
Please be kinder to me.
Regards,
Ms. A.

Summer Day

2009-07-20T22:32:00.003-03:00

I woke up on this hot, beautiful sunny Monday at 11am, and went straight to my computer so that I could watch the new episode of True Blood. I then chatting online for a while with various interesting characters, one being Mr. JB, who invited me out to lunch.

The sun, and the heat made it a great day to travel to the Northside to a popular chicken shack known as The Lick-a-Chick. JB and I made the journey, and stuffed our faces with some fried chicken, which I followed with a hot fudge sundae. From there we picked Nichirie up from her place of employment, and then drove to Baddeck to get the Brother Burke so that he could attend a play rehearsal we had planned for the evening at the university. We met up with Silvermoon and Ade, chatted a bit, had a line rehearsal, and it was then I recieved some fabulously wonderful news in regards to some friends of mine.

I'm still hyper about it!

............I'm suddenly very tired.

That is all.

I've Been Saved!

2009-07-15T14:22:00.001-03:00

......PHARMASAVED!

I've been PHARMASAVED alright!
Thanks, Dave!

Or whoever the nice lady at the checkout was.

YEAH!

Dear Day,

2009-07-12T03:03:00.004-03:00

Thank you for being wonderful. You blessed me with a slow shift at work today, which was exactly what I wanted, being as I woke up very tired this morning. It might have been a bit too slow at times, but luckily I enjoy folding paper napkins into hats so it's all good. I appreciated you making sure I got home from work on time so that I could wash up before joining my friends for an evening of movie making fun. Also, I really appreciated that you made it possible for a bunch of us to go grab a bite before heading home because I hadn't had any time to really eat anything until then. Tha Nachos were fabulous, by the way! Also, mad props for throwing me some solo time with silvermoongirl, who's company and hilarious antic dotes made me lose all track of time, and will undoubtedly be the reason I will fall asleep at some point on J&A's couch tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Ms. A

...Go Together Like A Horse and Carriage...

2009-07-07T03:11:00.003-03:00

After a conversation with my sister Cucky, this evening, where we briefly touched on the subject of marriage, I've come to the conclusion that I would make a horrible wife. I am very confident that my sister will eventually marry her boyfriend once they secure the funds necessary to do so, and she will undoubtedly make an excellent "wife". She cooks her boyfriend's meals, does the laundry, let's him pick the movie, is faithful, calls when she says she will, and is generally dependable. This of course is NOT to suggest she is a doormat, because she is very much her own woman - but when it comes to the domestic duties, she's pretty killer!

I on the other hand, am not. I don't like cleaning, I don't cook (usually 'cause it means cleaning afterwards, and who the hell wants that?), and I want a say in the movie selection, thanks very much!

No, I wouldn't be a good wife. I would WANT a wife. No - cause I wouldn't be a good typical "husband" either. Hmmmm??? You know what? I don't need a "Wife" or a "Husband", I need "Parents"!

That may be the saddest thing I've even written here, and I've gone through depression!

Oye...

Plotting

2009-07-06T17:32:00.002-03:00

I must leave Sydney soon. I have commitments till August, but after that I can leave at any point guilt free. I need to make more money. Perhaps another job is in order.

Tah-day

2009-07-04T00:37:00.003-03:00

The Lizard is staying at my place tonight. She is currently holding up a dish of catfood for our cat Ruby, so that she won't have food stolen on her by the other cats. Ruby was outside all day, and as such missed "Supper" and Lizard wants to make sure that she has something to eat. She's a thoughtful little girl. I hope she never loses that.

I recieved a call this afternoon regarding a few hours work at the box office of the Boardmore. I had nothing to do so I agreed to help out. When I arrived I got a crash course on Theater Manager, and the closing duties of the box office, most of which I think I understood. Luckily for me I didn't sell any tickets while I was there, and spent the three hours I was alone re-reading The Great Gatsby (which I haven't read in a super long time, and am glad to have rediscovered).

Immediately afterwards, I went to the hall to work the door for one of the shows in the theater festival. I unfortunately, had to leave after intermission, so I missed the second play, but I will see it another day.

Anyway, it's late and I should get the Lizard to bed.

Gute Nacht.

Comment Below

2009-07-02T21:18:00.003-03:00

Is everyone's family fucked up? Seriously, let me know! Its important!

and NO I don't need your name if you don't want to share! Just your thoughts.

Family Shindigs

2009-06-29T20:02:00.005-03:00

My cousin had her grad party on Saturday night. My aunt went all out on this party for her little girl - prepping a lot of food, setting up a tent outside in case of rain, opening the pool - a lot of extended family (mom's side) showed up.

Now don't get me wrong. I love my family, but I don't necessarily enjoy family get-together's. My brother and I left as early as we could without seeming rude. We talked on the drive home, and both of us admitted our mutual discomfort in attending these family festivities. Once again, let me reiterate, its nothing personal against anyone in my family. We like everyone as people, but unfortunately we don't exactly KNOW our extended family members that well. My siblings and me were all raised in Sydney while they were all raised in Westmount. Once my parents divorced, the rift between us was even more pronounced with us going months, and years without seeing any cousins, or aunts, and uncles. I don't remember seeing my own grandmother all that much outside holidays, and birthdays.

Recently, family members have somewhat reemerged in our lives. Cousins have moved back home from out west, Facebook helps maintain contact with those who are still away, my uncle returned home for the first time in 15 years, interactions with family that have always lived here has gone up.....Aaaand I don't know what to do about it. I'm guessing this has to do with the passage of time, and people feeling the need to reconnect, but I still don't know what to talk to them about. Once you get passed the "so what are you up to these days?" conversation, there isn't that much to talk about other then the past which for me is a bit spotty because I am younger then a lot of them, and don't remember our very rare shared moments together.

Of course there are always the standard questions one must suffer:
"So, you got a boyfriend?"
"No, not right now"
"Oh, why not?"

What kind of question is that?

But like I said, there isn't that much else to talk about so I can't really blame them for going there. I just feel awkward when I'm around my extended family. I feel kind of guilty about that.

Conversation with my 10 yr old Niece.

2009-06-25T22:29:00.003-03:00

Niece: "Can you not believe that Michael Jackson is dead?"
Me: "Honestly buddy, it doesn't really bother me"
Niece: "Me too - but if it was Lady Gaga, I'd mind!"

She cracks me up :)

Memory

2009-06-22T16:48:00.003-03:00

When I was a very young child I used to think that babies came from God, and that the process of conception was purely divine. This was a time when I didn't know anyone who came from a single parent household (this being before I myself experienced my parents divorce), and I went to church and Sunday School every week. I used to think that God - being all knowing and all seeing - would see two people get married, and then he (because at that point I never questioned why God was identified as HE) would decide if, when, and how many children the couple would have. Yes, I thought a woman would just randomly become pregnant because God wanted it that way, and then in nine months time the woman would feel the baby kick, be taken to the hospital and be put to sleep while the doctor cut the baby out of the mother's belly. My mom had several scars on her belly because of several operations (appendix, gall bladder, and ONE C-Section) but before I knew about those operations, I thought her scars were as a result of childbirth. I even used to wonder which scar was 'mine'.

Imagine MY surprise.

Last night, as I was talking to a friend online and I was telling him how I used to feel more sure about things then I am now. Over the last three years I've had a lot of things I've thought or believed tested. Things I said I'd never do, I've done. I've seen more shades of gray then I originally thought existed.

I was telling my friend, that I was no longer sure of anything.
Religion? I don't know. I can see how it's poison, I can see how its healing.
Politics? I don't know. Right or Left, both have valid points.
Ethics? I don't know. Depends on the situation, but situational ethics is an oxymoron.
Philosophy? I don't know. Really, I can't keep track of all the 'isms'

It's not that I don't have my own thoughts, or ideas, or opinions on these subjects; I just see a lot of different points of view and can see validity in all of them. Thus, I am half willing to accept that what I think is right might be wrong - or even that it might be both right and wrong given certain circumstances.

Which is confusing....how can things be right and wrong???

Not knowing anything can be a very odd feeling. I think its also why I've become much more interested in having silly conversations like...I don't know....like... Who would win in a fight between Red from Fraggle Rock and Kermit the Frog from The Muppet Show? At least with these conversations I feel like I somewhat know what I am talking about, even though its absolutely ridiculous.

Serious conversations just tend me make me confused and angry.

Why not? Haven't done one of these in a while....

2009-06-22T14:17:00.001-03:00

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never really clicked, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my flist, so let me know with whom I'm friends!

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

No Apologies :P

2009-06-21T16:44:00.006-03:00

Last night I played three non-traditional boardgames (Beans, Carrcassonne, and Agricola - alas no Settlers of Cantan) with 4 friends and gamers (Skth, Bec, JJ and Sailorpink) from 7pm - 1:30am. We ate oreos dipped in whip cream, chips, nachos, and Swedish berries. We drank pepsi, and then wine, and when not talking about the games, we had many conversations about old and new TV shows, late 80's to early 90's wrestlers and their perspective theme songs, and various theater productions we've done or will do.

My Geek muscle has been sufficiently exercised.

And you know what? I had way more fun last night then I would have had at any bar.

That is all.

This Just In

2009-06-18T16:49:00.003-03:00

I spent a good part of the last three days in bed fighting off a muther fucka of a head cold. I called off work on Tuesday, which was not something I wanted to do being as it was the second of only two shifts I have this week. Oh well - I couldn't do it! Besides, a coughing, runny nosed waitress isn't exactly the most appitizing sight for a customer. I just don't want to hear anything about it come Sunday! (I say Sunday because I am often sheduled for Sunday day shift).

Honestly though, I would like to work as much as I can over the summer months. I've already set my heart on a trip to Toronto at the end of August, with a move to Halifax to follow soon afterwards. Yes, I've decided on Halifax. For a little while at least. I just feel like there are some things happening there, or things that COULD happen there that might be benificial for me in the long run and I don't want to pass on a potentially good opportunity.

Tonight though, I am going to a reading for another film project I will be involved in. Should be fun.

All I Wanted Was a Cheap Shirt

2009-06-15T19:56:00.005-03:00

I swear the stores know in advance when I am coming, and promptly hide all clothing that would fit me. The mall's are against me! Well - to be fair, I only went to one mall. The grub mall. I figured since I was looking for a simple button-up dress shirt, the grub mall would be the best place to find one cheap. Hey - its a work shirt and its going to be attacked by various sauces every shift, so I refuse to shell out more then $40 for one! Also, the grub mall is within reasonable walking distance, so its the only place I COULD look today.

I managed to find one white, button up shirt at a store. That being said, its somewhat tight in the chest area; the buttons seemingly struggling to hold the shirt closed when I have it on. It fit me everywhere else! The shoulders, the waist...if I went a size larger the shirt was too big. Its a common problem I have. Like I said, its hard for me to find clothes that fit me properly. Since I have to have SOMETHING for Tuesday, I bought the shirt along with a white tank top to wear underneath. I can leave the buttons on the chest undone, exposing the tank top and sparing myself the embarrassment of having a button fly off mid shift and hit someone. Tomorrows mission will be to find some shoes. I will have my sister around to drive me, so I'm hoping that mission will go more smoothly then today's.

I hate shopping. I hate it so much!

*************

2009-06-14T18:24:00.002-03:00

Three years. This will be the last time I make mention of it. I'm not counting anymore.
*************

In other news, my boss got after me today about my uniform. Apparently, my shirt was too low cut, and they either received complaints about it, or think they will receive complaints about it...I am not sure which. I have to be honest - I still don't always understand what they are saying. I didn't and don't think my shirt is that revealing, but it doesn't really matter what I think. I'm going shopping tomorrow anyway. I'll pick up some shirts then. I told L about it today when she came in for the night shift. I was unusually upset about it and wanted someone to tell me it was alright, and God bless L, that's what she did.

I am comfortable at the restaurant, but sometimes I get frustrated with the constant criticism. I'm not saying it isn't warranted at times because I AM still new - I've only been there for a month or so - but it gets to me at times. Every shift, it feels like there is always ....something...

Whatever though - I realize the only thing I can do is to do better on the next shift.

Ugh...

I just swallowed some cough syrup to fight off a cold that seems to have grown overnight. I'm going to take to my bed now...

We ate like Kings - Damn, Hell, Ass KINGS!

2009-06-12T22:54:00.003-03:00

I am so comfortable right now.

I am sitting cross legged in the recliner in my living room; laptop perched on my knees. I am half listening to a broadcast of Spectacle with Elvis Costello (tonight's guest Lou Reed!), as well as reflecting on the evenings festivities. Tonight, was after all, our big show! Myself, and three other lovely ladies performed the 4th Italian play at a fundraiser for the Adult Learning Center, and all went well. It was a dinner theater of sorts. Everyone who went had a large Italian meal consisting of salad, pasta, lemon cakes, and cannolis. There was wine on every table, but alas I did not have any - partially because I thought it might be a bad idea to have alcohol before the show, and partially because my director thought it would be a bad idea for me to have alcohol before the show.

There were a few small mishaps with the lines, but nothing that anyone who wasn't involved with the play (actors and the director) would have noticed. By all accounts the show went really well, and the audience we performed for was an appreciative one. A lot of the people who were in attendance were people who are genuine fans of the play series (in case I haven't mentioned it, the Italian plays are a series of plays revolving around 3 generations of women in an Italian Cape Breton Family - this is the 4th). I was very glad to have been apart of the series. I had fun, and I loved my cast and it was wonderful to work with KC again. I really hope we get to do the show again sometime this summer.

Damn work in the AM! It's the only thing that is keeping me in tonight. If tomorrow was any other day then Saturday I would have taken the chance and went out on the town to celebrate a job well done. However, Saturdays at the restaurant can be pretty hectic and the last thing I would want is to have to deal with a rush of customers and a hang over at the same time. Oh well - I'm gonna sit here, watch the rest of Elvis and Lou's conversations, and drink the last two of the Corona in the fridge.

looks at pictures

2009-06-11T21:28:00.000-03:00

I should really start exercising.

Anyone want a work out partner?

Another Note to Self

2009-06-11T03:07:00.002-03:00

From now on, every time you want to do something - do the opposite of whatever it was you were going to do! Your initial responses to things are obviously wrong, and lead only to disappointment.

I am in desperate need of a change.

Baby Girl!

2009-06-10T20:37:00.003-03:00

Her name is Olivia Rainne, and she was born today, weighing 7lbs 6 oz.

Yes, Ash is an aunty for the 6th time! Another beautiful baby girl has come into our family, and we are all overjoyed. I went to the hospital after work, but apparently there is some new policey on the maturnity ward that only allows parents and grandparents to visit. It was enacted after the whole swine flu thing. Anyway, I DID get to see the baby, albeit through a window - and she was absolutely perfect!

Completely made up for an incredibly hectic work day.

People Are Better Tippers on a Sunday

2009-06-07T20:17:00.004-03:00

I had a rather infuriating work day, as for some reason I couldn't seem to do anything right.

I was greeted at the restaurant by two short sticky notes addressed to me. The contents of the first was to remind me to go through the check list of duties before leaving the restaurant at night, and not to leave any for the day shift to do. I had worked a split shift and closed on Friday night, and admittedly I was in a rush to get out since my sister was waiting for me, so I figured I must have forgot something. The second note told me to be careful when filling up the plum sauce bottles, because apparently I had filled them partially with pineapple sauce.

Wonderful.

Neither of these things were anything major - at least I didn't get the feeling that I was being scolded as much as informed of my mistakes and asked to be careful. I'm still relatively new, and they understand that. In the case of the sauces I should point out (as my boss did for me when she got in) that both the pineapple and plum sauce look pretty much the exact same and are held in the same kind of containers, so it's easy to mistake one for the other if you don't know what to look for. Apparently, the plum sauce is the one with the red flecks in it....

Ugh....

As I said, these things weren't really major, but to begin the day with criticism somewhat tainted the rest of the shift for me. I kept making little mistakes. I brewed coffee, but forgot to turn on the burner so that I served a customer cold coffee today (he was good about it though). I gave a customer the wrong price on an order, then had to call them back with the new price only to have my boss find out that my price was still wrong as I forgot to add one of the items. I had a hard time explaining a Western sandwich to the cook, and my customer ended up with a fried egg sandwich instead (the same customer I gave cold coffee to as a matter of fact).

Suffice to say, I walked around all day feeling like a world class idiot, half convinced my boss was going to snap at me at any moment.

I was very glad to see TL come in to relieve me. I told her that I was feeling out of sorts today and somewhat afraid that the boss thought I was an idiot, but TL assured me the boss likes me. I'm just new and she wants to keep an eye on me to make sure I know how to do everything. I guess that's fair. She is after all giving me more shifts now. Still in all, I'm happy to be home right now.

It wasn't a total throw away of a day though - Tips were pretty good, despite the fact that it wasn't really that busy today. Gotta love that. I'd like to do something tonight though - I'd like to be amongst friends....I wonder who's home....I'm gonna check that out. I need to unwind.

Semi-Drunken Epiphany at 3am

2009-06-06T03:18:00.002-03:00

I've come to the realization that I may always have a soft spot in my heart for you. I really don't understand why that is, but I know that no matter how angry I get, or how much I may think I hate you, I am always going to care to a certain extent about your well being. I won't defend it, I can't explain it, and I don't think I want to do either. It just is what it is because it is.

I will leave it at that.